Today we took our kids out to lunch. Nervously, I might add after “The Infamous Trip to Helen FITS-gerald.” They were both literally kicking and screaming out the door. But we know it’s not going to get better without practice. So today we tried again and it was much more successful. Along the way I realized some funny truths that I’ve found universal every time I’ve ever taken a toddler to lunch.
1. 50% of the table must be cleared for the go-go gadget arms of the little one. How her twelve inch arms span a three foot radius I will never know. That means the other three of us have to squeeze our food (and hers), drinks and condiments into half of the designated space. I truly believe that the laws quantum mechanics do not apply when young children are involved. Two objects can and often do occupy the same space at the same time (see below).
2. You will get an incredible oblique workout picking that sippy cup up off the ground. It’s important to alternate the side you sit on during subsequent lunches to ensure you don’t wind up with a 3 pack instead of the more desirable 6 pack.
3. You are obligated to initiate a reforestation project to restock the trees you depleted….in napkins.
4. Under the high chair will look like what I imagine Cochella looks like the day after the music stops. (This was actually one of our cleaner days.)
5. Finally, you will need to tip BIG. (See #4.) And watch out because that little one is gonna want to grab those dollars and rip them up….just because that’s what one year-olds do!
Share your stories of dining with darlings in the comments section below! We’d love to hear what they’ve got up their sleeves (besides French fries)!