Breaking up is hard to do

My husband and I have been together 8 years and married almost 6 so it’s been a long time since I’ve experienced a break up. I was completely caught off guard last week when our beloved babysitter, the person I’ve entrusted my babies to for the past three years, broke up with me. At first, I was totally confused. We’ve made plans for our future. Well actually, I’ve made plans for our future. I guess I didn’t take the time to see what she wanted. I just assumed. But I never thought it would come to this. I’ve replayed the conversation in my head, definitely over-analyzing everything that was said.

“Hey, how was she today?”

“Pretty good. Didn’t take much of a nap.”

“I think she just doesn’t want to miss out on all the fun. She always lights up when we turn down your street. Before we take off, I’ve been meaning to ask you if could keep her 3 days a week next year instead of 2?”

“Actually,  there’s something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about. I’m thinking about scaling back next year.”

“Oh, well we can just keep it at two days and figure something out.”

“No, I mean I’ve been thinking about scaling back on the part-timers and just keeping the full-time ones.” 

I’ve been thinking about it and trying to find the right time to tell you. 

and since you brought it up I figured I’d better let you know so you can start looking for something else.”

“Oh, okay. Sure. I understand.”

“I’ll keep her until the end of the school year.”

 

“Yeah… we’ll be fine.  It’s fine.  I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

“Alrighty.  We’ll see you next week.”

“Yeah. Sure. Ok. Bye.”

As I walked to my car I felt a pit deep in my stomach like the time I got hit with a line drive to the tummy in middle school softball. I was just stunned. I totally didn’t see it coming. I wondered if the time The Bear threw up in her living room while I was picking up Baybay had anything to do with it. Probably not. She didn’t seem mad, just tired. Still, I couldn’t help but wonder if I had done something differently if she would have made an exception.

I’m still at a loss for what to do next. The thought of lining up a new daycare provider is daunting and I think I’m in denial (at least until the weekend is over). I don’t feel angry, but definitely sad and anxious about finding someone I trust to leave my little girl with while I’m at work. But don’t worry. I know we’ll be fine.